


Count backwards from 10

by Mokulule



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Withdrawal, Angst, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Multi, Obi-Wan's pretty delirious, Paranoia, Time Travel, Woobie-Wan Kenobi, because that needs to be a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-16 01:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9267584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mokulule/pseuds/Mokulule
Summary: Time Travel because you can't get enough of those right?Having done his duty by delivering Luke to his family, the reality of all that has happened hits Obi-Wan hard. At the height of his sorrow he wanders into the desert.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently having the final exam of my master's degree looming the day after tomorrow, is very inspiring, so instead of studying, ya'll get this.
> 
> Obi-Wan's POV is supposed to be confusing, but if it's completely insensible please tell me?

He gazed up at the twin suns with squinting eyes, then down at the empty bottle in his hand. He brought it to his lips again anyway, just to make sure. Not a single drop left. He dropped the bottle and it landed in the sand with a dull bump. 

His insides were slowly getting cooked. The pain of his sunburned skin numbed by the alcohol.

"Ana..." He fell to his knees. Looked down at his hands, calloused beyond what Jedi used to have before the war. He saw himself getting slowly peeled away until nothing remained but dust.

A hand of his shoulder made him look up. Anakin was there, his Anakin. His eyes blurred, he blinked and Anakin was gone. Instead it was Vader, yellow eyes, hands around his throat, choking.

"I hate you," he whispered almost reverently. He would kill Obi-Wan, slowly like he deserved, for leaving him to burn. Blackened, angry burns erupted all over his face. Obi-Wan wanted to scream, but had no air.

"O....."

"Obi-......"

Obi-Wan blinked up at the night sky.

"Obi-Wan"

Slowly turning his head he saw no one who could have spoken. He could have sworn it sounded like...

"Mast-" his voice broke with a dry cough.

"Padawan, rest."

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, the smallest of smiles on his lips.

His eyes snapped open to waves of pain and a ringing silence in his ears. Troopers moved frantically around him. The shots from blasters lit up the gray hazy air.

A trooper crouched down in front of him, Cody, his mind supplied twisting the knife stuck in his heart. Had they finally caught up to him then? Was this the moment his former trusted comrade would kill him? He was resigned to death.He deserved death. He'd failed them all. 

"Please," he begged, eyes unfocused; just let it end.

Cody signaled a pair of troopers and they lifted him off the ground. 

Obi-Wan frowned, why would they do that? A block of heavy ice formed in his stomach.

No no no no. Interrogation. He could not let them. Luke. Leia. No no no, he shouldn't even think about them. Vader.. Anakin! No Vader; he would interrogate him personally, he was sure of that. 

I hate you! Anakin's eyes were an unnatural glowing yellow as he hissed those words.

Fear gripped his heart like a durasteel trap. Obi-Wan struggled and kicked out.

The clones dropped him in surprise. The pain in his side intensified in a pulse, but he focused on the task before him. He dragged himself forward a few paces on the wet ground, before even desperation couldn't fuel him anymore.

His hearing returned just to hear the words "...sedate him."

There was a prick in his neck and the world went blessedly black and painless.

This time he came to in a slow and groggy way. All was well. The force shone with a myriad of little lights - there were still something like a veil of darkness but it was rather translucent and light still dominated. People were dying more rapidly than they should and with the painful cries denouncing lives cut short by violent means. That was just the war though; a background noise all Jedi had had to become used to or at least shield against.

Very close to him Anakin shone like a bonfire with edges of fatigue and worry. 

Obi-Wan smiled, before opening his eyes and locating Anakin's physical presence. 

His unruly former padawan was passed out in a chair by his bedside. The chair was not built for neither comfort nor one of Anakin's size. Obi-Wan allowed himself a grimace in sympathy of the pain he would feel upon awakening.

For a moment he could bask in all that was right; Anakin's unyielding attachment that he'd tried so hard to curb, the hundreds of Jedi lights alive in the force.

He looked down to see his hands shaking and glistening in a cold sweat. His heart beat a painfully fast staccato in his chest. Like his body was realizing something before his brain caught up. That's when he remembered everything.

His sudden horror reverberated through the force like an alarm bell, and he scrambled backwards. He fell off the bed and the resurgence of pain from his wounded side grounded him.

Anakin was in front off him the very next moment, blue (blessed blue) eyes full of frantic worry.

"Mast-" 

Obi-Wan flung his arms around his Anakin (not Vader, never Vader) and held on tightly, ignoring the pain from his wound.

"Obi-?" He was tense and confused.

"I'm sorry Anakin, I'm so sorry," he babbled.

Oo o oO

Anakin was confused and a great bit alarmed. 

When he'd first heard of Obi-Wan getting hurt, he'd come as soon as he could. Anakin was still testy about Obi-Wan not supporting him in clearing Ashoka's name, but he'd be damned if he lost any more important people. 

Force healing was certainly not his strongest suit but a little was better than nothing and from what Cody had reported Obi-Wan had been completely out of it. So he'd come and he'd done his best to speed up the healing.

Now Anakin worried a great deal more, with his usually unshakeable master desperately clinging to him, muttering a litany of apologies in his ears.

"Obi-Wan please," Anakin opened his mind to the worn thread that was their bond and was horrified at what he found.

Obi-Wan's normally impeccable shielding was in shambles, his mind was like a wasteland of burned connections, a bleeding wound of pain and loss. 

Reflexively his arms came around Obi-Wan in return, holding just as tightly; as if he could protect him with just his arms. Protective anger surged in him.

'Obi-Wan?' He spoke across their bond, realizing Obi-Wan was lost to the physical world.

Obi-Wan's mind latched onto his with the desperation of a drowning man. Anakin felt momentarily overwhelmed by Obi-Wans intense feelings of regret, grief and self blame, before he could separate his own self from Obi-Wan's emotional turbulence - and who'd have ever thought that.

He let his mind envelope Obi-Wans storm like a metaphysical hug and like a raging child it battered him before quickly petering out into tired grief.

On the physical plane Obi-Wan went limp in his arms and Anakin automatically started stroking his back - an action imbedded in his psyche from his mom as the thing to do.

'Obi-Wan talk to me.'

'Anakin.' Obi-Wan stood before him. 

They were on Tattooine for some reason, the suns beat down harshly on Obi-Wan's sunburned face. Grey streaks were visible in Obi-Wan's hair, not entirely masked by the white desert dust that covered every inch of him.

There were whisky bottles strewn half buried in the sand around them.

Obi-Wan walked towards him, laying his hands heavily on Anakin's shoulders.

'You're really here?' The desperate hope in his voice made Anakin hurt in the very core of his being. He didn't get to answer before Obi-Wan continued.  
'Your eyes are blue. I never thought I'd see your eyes again.'  
Obi-Wans right hand moved to stroke his face.

'I love you, you know that right?' Obi-Wan looked him imploringly in the eyes, but Anakin's mind reeled backwards out of his reach.

An intense sadness and resignation came over Obi-Wan's face before he turned around and fell to his knees.

'I failed you. I wonder, if you knew... If you knew I would do anything for you. If maybe then he couldn't ensnare you like that. I should have been a better listener.'

Anakin stepped forward, 'wait, rewind a bit. He? Who he?'

Obi-Wan looked at him with a frown, as if confused Anakin didn't know what he was talking about.

'The Sith Lord.' At Anakin's still baffled face Obi-Wan elaborated; 'Palpatine, Darth Sidious. Palpatine is Darth Sidious.'

'What?! Impossible!"

Obi-Wan's gaze lost focus and for just a moment they stood on a platform, rivers of lava underneath them, Padme laid lifeless on the ground and Anakin stood over her with glowing yellow eyes, then the desert returned.

Anakin reeled several steps back. 

'What was that?!' he yelled, voice breaking on his fear and anger. 

Obi-Wan looked back at him, and a look of relief colored his face. 

'Anakin your eyes are blue.'

Anakin took a couple of long strides and sank to his knees in front of Obi-Wan grabbing hold of his shoulders to try and make him focus.

'Obi-Wan, what was that?'

Obi-Wan blinked at his sudden proximity.  
'Vader. He killed you.'

Anakin recognized this immediately as one of Obi-Wan's creative truths. Knew in his heart that it was him in that scene. It was him who'd attacked Padme.

Anakin could hardly breathe. He longed to just loose himself in anger instead of facing this, but after watching himself as a sith, giving into his anger was the furthest thing from his mind.

Obi-Wan must have had some kind of vision. It was the only explanation. And he'd said Palpatine was the Sith Lord; It was like a knife twisted in his heart. Palpatine, his friend and mentor, his unwavering support. The one person he could always trust to listen to all his worries. The one who would be critical of the Jedi teaching.. who would water Anakin's distrust of Obi-Wan... and blow the embers of Anakin's enmity towards the council... The one who had direct control of the guards who'd killed Fives before he could relay his evidence...

'Obi-Wan, why did I turn?' He had to know.

'Because I failed you.'

Anakin punched him.

They were suddenly physically present in their bodies in a way that left them both reeling.

"You punched me," Obi-Wan said affronted, massaging his jaw in imagined pain.

"You were being stupid."

"I can't believe you punched me." He frowned, shaking his head. He was so tired. "Anakin, what's going on? I was on Tatooine, I don't understand." He frowned and shook his head. His eyes became unfocused again. The blue of his eyes were barely visible around the large black pupils. That's when Anakin noticed the tremor and the cold sweat.

Fear lodged itself in his throat and he flung his arm towards the call button. The strength of the force push nearly smashed the button, but it did as intended and it didn't take two minutes before Kix came running.

Together they got Obi-Wan back onto the bed and hooked up to a monitor.

Kix muttered something ending in "if I didn't know better...but that's impossible..."

"What?!" Anakin insisted, sharply, because he just felt a spike of terror from the bond. Obi-Wan started struggling and mumbling incoherently. He had halfway decided to dive back into Obi-Wan's mind to see if he could anchor him, but he had a feeling he needed to hear what Kix said.

"The tox screen and blood work came back negative, but it seems like poisoning or like some kind of withdrawal."

Anakin had a flash of whisky bottles buried in the sand.

"Like alcohol-withdrawal," he stated more than asked.

"Yes, but that's not possible."

"Treat him for that." Anakin could see the protest forming on the medic's face. "Just do it. I'm gonna try to stabilize him."

The last he saw before delving into Obi-Wan's mind, was Kix collecting a hypospray.

"I really hope you know what you're doing, Sir."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jedi mind shenanigans!

Kix had had a lousy and strange day. First General Kenobi not only gets himself hurt, in typical fashion by trying to save some of the men, he also is somehow delirous and suffering from some kind of abstinences. From something that doesn't show up in the tox screen.

Then he has to administer dubious treatment, on the orders of General Skywalker, while said general perform mystical Jedi mind things. To be frank, Kix doesn't know what in the world is going on and would really like it to just be over. He doesn't need an explanation. He just needs it to be over. 

Oo o oO 

Obi-Wan's mind had stopped portraying Tatooine, much to Anakin's relief, but now the sense of his mind was like a fog, drifting aimlessly and risking, Anakin realized with sudden horror, just drifting away.

Quickly he wrapped his force presence around Obi-Wan's mind like the shield he was missing, making sure to contain all the drifting bits of his friend.

'Anakin...' 

His name echoed sorrowfully through the fog.

'Don't worry, Master, I've got you.' He tried his best to keep his worry under wraps and project safety and assurance back.

'Sith..'

'No sith here, Master.'

There was a buzz in the back of Anakin's mind that had been growing ever since Obi-Wan told him Palpatine was the Sith Lord. At first he'd barely noticed, but now it had grown to an intensity that was difficult to ignore.

Dutifully he kept his hold. Why do I even bother? When was the last time Obi-Wan was there for me?

In the physical world Anakin frowned.

He lied to me, lead me to believe he was dead. He doesn't trust me. He is part of the council that expelled Ahsoka.

A frisson of fear went through the fog.

See. He fears my power. He's holding me back, I just have to let go...

NO! Anakin shrugged the thoughts back, tried to build a wall between them and him. It was a temporary solution at best.

'Obi-Wan!' 

He got no response but a vague sense of confusion. Narrowing his eyes he focused on pushing the fog together into a point. Anything is possible with the force.

He found himself back in the dessert his arms around a vaguely solid Obi-Wan.

'Anakin, what is going on?' Obi-Wan asked clearly and Anakin could have collapsed in relief. He felt Obi-Wan raise his arms and grip him just as strongly.

'We had to sedate you, I think somehow you're suffering from alcohol withdrawal, or at least your mind thinks so.'

He could see the bottles still half-burrowed in the sand from over Obi-Wan's shoulder. Obi-Wan started started shaking in his arms, starting to feel less solid. Anakin desperately tightened his hold.

'Look Obi-Wan I need you to help raise your shields back up, you're kind of drifting away, and I need to focus on my own mind.'

He could feel his hastily erected barrier tremble

Obi-Wan became suddenly solid as his focus turned singlemindedly towards Anakin.

'What's wrong?'

Anakin was buckling under the pressure.

'There's something in my mind, something dark,' he couldn't put anything more into words. He'd always known there was darkness in him, but this was beyond that. 

Before Anakin could stop him Obi-Wan followed their bond back to Anakin. Quickly, Anakin let himself be drawn back.

Oo o oO

Kix looked up in horror at the long drawn out beep; General Kenobi had stopped breathing.

He scrambled over, instinct taking control. First open up the airways. He bent the general's head backwards, than used two fingers to lift the jaw upwards. Second assist breathing. He attached a breathing mask, and turned on the air flow.

He watched the oxygen saturation rise back up with each assisted breath. Glancing at the heart monitor he found it steady. Slowly the medic's heart rate slowed back down. He glared at General Skywalker.

10 minutes, no more than that, then he would intubate.

"Kriffing Jedi."

Oo o oO

They stood side by side, looking at the towering darkness held back only by a flimsy shield. It sizzled and boiled and beat the shield. Hair line cracks were spreading, like the dread Anakin felt. 

'Anakin.' Obi-Wan drew his attention. 'I will not loose you to the darkness again.'

'What do you mean?'

'Come on Anakin,' he held out both hands and Anakin took them with only the smallest hesitation. 'This is your mind. You are the master here.'

That is when the wall broke, and the darkness swept over them like a wave. It tore away they footing. It whirled them around. Anakin couldn't breath, couldn't feel.

It was all Anakin's fault. Pretending to be something I'm not. I was never free. I was always dark. I killed in anger and I liked it. The Jedi, they are afraid. Afraid of my power. They speak of balance but they only want to control me. They hold me back. I want power.

There was a sound like somebody was calling him. He turned his head to find the caller, but it was dark, he was all alone. I'm always alone. Nobody cares.

'Anakin!' 

It was like emerging from under water. Like that first breath of air and suddenly he could see Obi-Wan through the dark haze, could feel the painful grip on his metaphysical hands.

He wants to destroy me. He knows I'm dark. He's a Jedi. He knows.

'Anakin, your emotions are your strength.'

Anakin was so startled, the voice stopped whispering, it had no response to that.

'But not these emotions,' he continued indicated the darkness around them, 'it is your love and your compassion that makes you go that extra length, when others would have given up. It is what draws people to you. Love is of the light.'

'But the code...' I'm a failure, an imposter.

'The code is wrong.'

'I don't understand.'

'The Jedi have lost their way with this war. Clearly having no attachments didn't help Dooku. It didn't help Bariss. Attachments can lead you astray but it can also tether you to the light.'

'You know about Padme.'

'Anakin.' Obi-Wan's face was full of sorrow. 'I don't know what happened to pull us so far apart that you thought you couldn't trust me with that... At times I thought it best that I never got it confirmed. I don't know how I would've have fared without you to pull me out of trouble." His smile was typical self deprecating Obi-Wan, half humor half serious.

Tears sprung to Anakin's eyes. Shiny specks of light that made the darkness recoil with a hiss where they landed.

'I think we have some of the explanation right here, Master. I don't think I can take credit for all of this.' He indicated the darkness that was now actively trying to tear them apart. It dug into Obi-Wan like blades, leaving wispy wounds behind, but got nothing but a grimace for its work.

'What do I have to do?'

'You just have to remember.' 

I'm stupid. I can never learn. Always behind.

'Remember what?'

'Life, happiness, love.'

It was hard. His feelings of inadequacy just built. 

'Here let me lend you some of mine.'

Obi-Wan moved forward and rested his forehead on Anakin's.  
In a white flash they were home, sitting on the worn couch in the living room of their shared quarters. They leant against each other back to back, while Anakin fiddled with some electronics and Obi-Wan pretended to read. Mostly he was just resting, happy they were both alive.

Anakin remembered this. It was from when he was still a padawan. The mission had been tough and this moment had been a much needed break from the stiff distance they had most of the time. He'd never realized Obi-Wan had needed (even relished) the contact as well. 

With that in mind the scenery changed, blown away by soft wind and laughter.  
The grass was long and swaying. A beautiful lake sprawled wide and blue in the otherwise green landscape. Mountains were a hazy white capped purple in the distance. 

'Where are we?' Obi-Wan asked from beside him.

'The lake country of Naboo.'

'Ah.'

Anakin turned to him in confusion as he sensed something like sorrow.

He grabbed Obi-Wan's hand and pulled him along.

'This is not a memory Obi-Wan. You're here after all' 

There was silence for a moment then; 'oh.'

They walked through the grass following the laughter. It was more voices than one, Obi-Wan realized.

Crossing a small hill Obi-Wan saw them all. Padme and Ahsoka looked up to them and waved. Rex, Fives, Kix, Cody were there and more clones he couldn't make out from this distance. Plo Koon and Yoda, even Mace. They walked down the hill and were greeted by the happy gathering. A older woman with dark hair and kind eyes smiled at them as they passed.

'My mother,' Anakin confirmed Obi-Wan's suspicions.

R2D2 collided with Anakin's leg and started beeping at him in admonishment. Threepio came to hold him back apologizing profusely. Obi-Wan looked around, in fact they weren't the only droids around. The old serving droid from the temple commissary; 'she used to give me sweet cakes when I hid in the kitchen.' Anakin remarked.  
FLO, Dex's rude waitress droid was over by the Besalisk himself.  
A mouse droid with a yellow stripe along it's side, which Obi-Wan thought he'd seen on Anakin's latest flagship, scuttled around people's feet. And more droids and people he couldn't quite place.

'What is this place?' Obi-Wan had to ask.

'My heart, I think,' Anakin said looking around searchingly. It was only then Obi-Wan realized the purposeful way Anakin had walked.

'What are you looking for?' Obi-Wan had barely uttered the words before the area grew cold. As if summoned Palpatine stepped forward with open arms;

'Anakin, my boy.' He said warmly in stark contrast to the coldness he exuded.  
Dark tendrils moved hungrily toward Anakin and Obi-Wan tightened his hold on Anakin's hand.

'Anakin.' Obi-Wan tried to tug him away, but Anakin moved forward. 'What are you doing?!' He hissed.

The shadows latched on to him, and Obi-Wan felt fear clog up his throat. No no not again!

Anakin squeezed his hand comfortingly. 'I'm merely facing my emotions.'

'Palpatine, you have betrayed me, used me and poisoned my mind.' He stepped into the open arms. The chancellor's face flickered monstrous twice before settling into the well known benevolent folds. 

'But you were also the one who would listen, who would make me feel like I had worth, when I had no friends, when I was strange and old compared to the other initiatives. And it might have all been for selfish reasons, but it means something to me, and for that you will always have a place here.' With that Anakin let go of Obi-Wan and embraced the darkness.

The chancellor's face was one of horror and he struggled to be let go. When Anakin started to blaze white like the harsh Suns of his home world, Obi-Wan finally understood what he was doing.

The darkness first recoiled, but then it struck like vipers and Anakin cried out. His light wavered. Obi-Wan stepped forward resting his hand on Anakin's back.

'You are not alone.' Obi-Wan balled up all of his affection, his love and pride in his former padawan and thrust it at him, baring his heart and soul.

It wasn't enough. The chancellor transformed into a rippling mass of darkness. Impossible to contain. Impossible to defend against, it struck again and again.

Worthless, it whispered. Weak. Once a slave always a slave.

Oo o oO

Across the Galaxy a young Togruta awoke in a dingy motel room. She was confused but one thing became clear and that was that her master needed her.

Oo o oO

Ahsoka was suddenly beside them, meeting Obi-Wan's eyes with a sentience she'd lacked just before, she raised an eyebrow at him. 

After that she ignored Obi-Wan, laying her hand next to his on Anakin's back.

'I'm here, Skyguy.'

'Snips'

Her presence tipped the scales. Anakin's light steadied, grew brighter and brighter. Then light exploded outwards.

Obi-Wan had a sense of something like a dark string forced to light up, before being expelled into his body.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath, and met Kix' startled eyes.

They heard a bump. Kix cursed and hurried to Anakin who'd fallen over unconscious. Obi-Wan tried to get up to help but an absolutely furious glare made him lie back down. Evidently Kix hadn't had a good day.

Oo o oO

Darth Sidious awoke with a wheeze clutching his chest in pain. Something had gone wrong. Looking inward he saw the carefully cultivated bond with his chosen apprentice was all light and love. 

Angrily he tore it to pieces, ripped it apart. He drew on his hatred and tried to crush the little glimmer of light still attached to him, but he failed. A seed of light had been planted. He screamed in agony; Infected, poisoned, weakened.

"Skywalker!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you expect this? I did not. It was not what I planned.


End file.
